Vietnam – Decadence 2016

Moonday 21st Decadence

I departed the earliest I have ever departed for an aerodrome: at 4.30am. I arrived at 5am, having had a gin and tonic in the car. It’s never too early for a gin and tonic. I had sparkling wines and a full breakfast in Heathrow Terminal 4 – what a great place – then boarded a craft of Catarrh Airways to Doha. I made the craft run out of sparkling white wine, so had to move to sparkling pink wines. I cannot remember the food; it was very nice though. Doha Airport is very posh and grand. I spent seven hours there. I talked to a man called Michael about horses and drank wines and ate an Indian supper and by the time I boarded my next craft it was

Tunesday 22nd Decadence

and it was a very good flight on a very olde-fashioned aeroplane of Catarrh Airways. The interior probably looked quite modern fifteen year ago. And then I entered Ho Chi Minh City and met my friend and I noticed that is was permanently warm and that all the Vietnamese peoples are all calm and Buddhist and lovely and had a welcome cocktail, ate a bread roll that I had stolen from the aeroplane and fell asleep.

Wrensday 23rd Decadence

Breakfast in the ‘otel was very good. Not only did it feature every type of food imaginable from the British and Asian breakfast pantheons, it also contained a self-service Bloody Mary station. Returned to bed at 7.30am to recover.

Thirsty 24th Decadence

Today was my birthing day. After a breakfast of guava juice and vodka, we visited an art museum and then had a vegetarian birthing day dinner, served by monks and saw the Christmas lights of Ho Chi Minh City (not many), and went round on a scooter like a fish in a shoal, and got chased by a racist dog.

Friedegg 25th Decadence

Today was Jesus’ birthing day. After a breakfast of guava juice and vodka, we visited the Vietnam War museum which was harrowing and then had a Christmas dinner of Vietnamese, Cambodian, and Laotian cuisine from the finest Vietnamese / Cambodian / Laotian fusion restaurant in Ho Chi Minh City.

Saturnday 26th Decadence

I watched Superman on TV and ate liquid nitrogen ice cream.

Sundae 27th Decadence

I watched Superman 2 on TV and ate pho.

Moondog 28th Decadence

We went out on our scooter into the outskirts of Ho Chi Minh City and beyond and people waved at us and shouted hello and asked for photos because they were excited as Western people are not normally seen there and we had a pub meal with beers which cost £1.50.

Tunesday 29th Decadence

I went up the highest building in Vietnam. It has a helipad over 200 metres up for important businessmen. Just one problem – there are no businessmen with helicopters in Vietnam, as everyone goes round on scooters. Then I went to the aerodrome and flew homo on two different Qatar Airways craft with many wines and sleeps; I felt great.

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