Honk Kong Diary – Juniper 2014

My trip to Hong Kong started with arriving at Heathrow 28 hours before the flight! I checked into the lovely hotel that is linked to Heathrow terminal five and relaxed in my room then I took a walk around the hotel. The hotel is linked by a bridge and a series of interconnecting corridors to the airport. I started walking along these corridors dreaming of my flight the next day to Hong Kong. As I walked along the corridor I was faced by the unwelcoming sight of my worker, Aaron Kilkenny Fletcher, who I realised that in a drunken moment of madness I had invited to come on the trip with me. Aaron and I enjoyed a sauna and steam room and hydrotherapy pool session before getting dressed ready for dinner in the airport hotel. We decided to have a seven-course tasting meal which was delicious although after the sixth course we were very full so before our pudding we decided to take a stroll. Where else can one stroll from an airport hotel but into the airport we walked around Heathrow terminal five looking at the gleaming check-in desks before returning to the restaurant for our pudding and then we fell asleep. We awoke in the morning and walked to the aerodrome and checked in for our flight 6 1/2 hours before the departure time.

We spent the afternoon at the airfield and had lunch and whiskey and scalp massage and also an A380 cocktail and also a BA 175 cocktail and also sparkling wine and also visited Liza, who works in a pauper’s part of the airport. Then we got on the gigantic airbus A380 aeroplane. The person in charge of the gigantic double-decker craft was King Robert and we were also looked after by Brian. As we flew to Hong Kong we ate crab with avocado and apple salsa and also coconuts and lemongrass soup with Japanese scallops and also brill with saffron sauce and celeriac purée and also seafood bouillabaisse with halibuts scallops King prawns and muscles and mussels with a scented broth and also lemon cake with strawberry and mint compost and then after drinking more sparkling and unsparkling wines and whiskeys we landed in Honk Kong and went to the hotel and my head hurt and I went to sleep. Then we spent 10 days in Honk Kong writing my new show called Paul Foot’s hovercraft symphony in gammon sharp major and we went swimming every day and also went into the Japanese hot bath and also went to the top of the Honk Kong mountain and also saw the Hong Kong eagle flying over the city and also went to the tall top of the almost tallest building in the world and had lunch and also dinner there and we also had lots of afternoon teas in the nice hotel lounge overlooking Kowloon and we also had lots of early evening dinner cocktails with canapés and then we were ready to fly back to England. And at the airport we had duck with cognac and sea bream with posh wine and saki and sparkling wine and then we went back onto the A380 gigantic aeroplane and we flew back to England. The person in charge of the British Airways gigantic bird of the air was Queen Caroline. And then I had a bath and breakfast at Heathrow Aerodrome and then went homo and then two days later I went to Australala for ten days, which was quite cold because it was winter there but not as cold as England during summer and I would have drink many wines and eaten mackerel and duck on the flights and I got stuck at Sydney Aerodrome on the way back, which was very exciting, as I got many many wines whilst I was waiting and also sashimi.

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