Loading ...My life’s work
Here is an inventory of all the comedy Paul has created, including work in progress. Some of it can be seen on youtube videos and on your television screen from time to tide. The list does not include topical humours, which he does often – in which he forensically probes the issues of the day through the medium of role-play (He plays all the roles).
Key:
PF: a Paul Foot favourite
virgin: never performed
1: has only been perfomed once
| Name of section | When used / invented | Where can be seen / heard | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|
IMPROVISED PLAY / MUSICAL / OPERA |
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| PF | Recurrent | My Secret shows | |
FALSE INTRODUCTIONS |
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| PF An appearance from Danny Stumbles | Early 2011: Ash in the Attic | My Ash in the Attic CD | |
| PF The ‘Melbourne start’ | Mid to late 2011: Ash in the Attic / Still Life | Was nominated for an award for this introduction | |
| ‘No applause’ start | 2010: Ash in the Attic | ||
IMPROVISED CHARACTERS |
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| PF 1 Car personalities | Fabruary 2009 | Appeared at a secret show | |
MADNESS |
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| PF My Madness | 2012: Kenny Larch is Dead | ||
ESSENCES |
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| Lesbian terrorists | Fabruary 2012 | ||
| Wheelchair Assasin | Fabruary 2012 | ||
| Grandpa Grapefruit | Fabruary 2012 |  |
|
| Cecil’s Pudding Face | Fabruary 2012 | ||
| Aboard the Burlington Coffee | Fabruary 2012 | ||
INCIDENTS
|
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| Library |
Late 2011 | ||
| 1 Buddhist | Late 2011 | ||
| PF Gay |
Late 2011 | ||
ACCIDENTS |
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| PF School assembly discus demonstration |
Late 2011 | ||
| 1 The bee’s dilemma |
Late 2011 | ||
| 1 Family man’s stupidity on a railway train |
Late 2011 | ||
| 1 Rushed spaceship docking |
Late 2011 | ||
DISTURBANCES
|
Read off the backs of hand/Foot-decorated cards | ||
| PF Homophobia levels | 2010-2011: Ash in the Attic | My Ash in the Attic CD. A shorter version is on youtube | |
| PF Seaside | 2010-2011: Ash in the Attic | My Ash in the Attic CD | Very silly |
| PF Ashmatic businessman | 2010-2011: Ash in the Attic | My Ash in the Attic CD | Even sillier |
| PF Finger puppy | 2010-2011: Ash in the Attic | My Ash in the Attic CD | Ludicrous |
| PF Circus | 2010-2011: Ash in the Attic | My Ash in the Attic CD | |
| PF Telephone – cat | 2010-2011: Ash in the Attic | My Ash in the Attic CD | Can theoretically last for ever |
| Suburban prossy | 2010 | ||
| Pub loser | 2010 | ||
| Party balloon | 2010 | ||
| Ready meal | 2010 | ||
| School teacher discipline | 2010 | ||
| PF Supermarket anagrams | 2010/2012: Kenny Larch is Dead | UK | |
| PF Airline anagrams | 2013: Kenny Larch is Dead | Australala | |
| Deep oceans | 2010 | ||
| Shop assistant gift voucher | 2010 | ||
| Orchard peregrinations | 2010 | ||
| Betrayed in previous life | 2010 | ||
| Sea of Tranquillity | 2010 | ||
| Ottoman Empire | 2010 | ||
| Gok Wan | 2010 | ||
| The Slalom Is My Solace | 2010 | ||
| Writing on the wall | 2010 | ||
GLIMPSES |
Some say that glimpses are remarkably similar to disturbances, but I refuse to accept this | ||
| PF Clumsy prostitute | 2011-2012: Still Life | ||
| PF Sphinx | 2011-2012: Still Life | ||
| PF Pineapple-themed shop | 2011-2012: Still Life | ||
| PF Skeleton Johnston’s chair leg son | 2011-2012: Still Life | ||
| PF Edible waitress | 2011-2012: Still Life | ||
| PF Cheddar collection | 2011-2012: Still Life | ||
| PF Wedding ruined | 2011-2012: Still Life | ||
| Sexual hermit | 2011 | ||
| Barry Goose, apprentice undertaker | 2011 | ||
| The Lard family’s barbecue meltdown | 2011 | ||
| Questiontime bodily explosion | 2011 | ||
| Rice lady slain outside newsagent | 2011 | ||
| Brenda leaves high finance | |||
| Cunnala Barker – barn casual | 2011 | ||
SILLINESS |
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| PF Vans | 2009: By the Yard | ||
| PF Shire horsies | 2010-2011: Ash in the Attic | My Ash in the Attic CD | |
| PF Open University | 2009: By the Yard | |
|
| PF 1 Apples | 2010 | ||
| Dolly mixture | 2010 | ||
| Shoes – shiny or scuffed | 2009 | ||
| Isn’t life a palaver? | 2010 | ||
| PF Increasing price of a Chinese takeaway | 2003 | I filmed this for the Edinburgh and Beyond TV show | Can last up to 51 minutes, in extreme versions |
| Ken Doherty | 2009 | ||
| 1 Rod Stewart | 2009 | ||
| 1 Unfounded celebrity allegations | 2010 | ||
| The weather | 2003 | The original Paul Foot improvisation | |
| 1 Rockery vs. rookery, brush vs. bush | 2010 | ||
| 1 Bourbon cream sado-mosochistic suburban session | 2009 | ||
| 1 Eurotunnel | 2010 | ||
| PF 1 Supermarket bag explosion / Al Qaeda feet detonation | 2011 | ||
| 1 First stumble of the season | 2011 | ||
| 1 I bet you couldn’t mark a moose | 2011 | ||
| virgin Fiona Bruce’s massive gut | |||
| 1 Gay adoption | 2010 | ||
FANTASIES |
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| PF Cheddar Collection | 2012: Kenny Larch is Dead | ||
| PF Madame Tussauds Chamber of Horrors cleaner slapstick | 2012: Kenny Larch is Dead | ||
| PF Problems in Heaven | 2012: Kenny Larch is Dead | ||
| PF Melancholy Beekeeper | 2012: Kenny Larch is Dead | ||
| PF Astronaut miscalculations | 2012: Kenny Larch is Dead | ||
| PF Famous rooster | 2012: Kenny Larch is Dead | ||
| PF Sue Johnston, Icarus of the trampoline | 2012: Kenny Larch is Dead | ||
| PF Single wasp dad | 2012: Kenny Larch is Dead | ||
| PF Five, not alive | 2012: Kenny Larch is Dead | ||
| PF Rainforest lives up to its name | 2012: Kenny Larch is Dead | ||
| PF Lesbian salmon salad lovers | 2012: Kenny Larch is Dead | ||
| PF Jesus and Lucifer | 2012: Kenny Larch is Dead | ||
| PF Modern art gallery alarm | 2012: Kenny Larch is Dead | ||
| PF Linda McCartney sausage party | 2012: Kenny Larch is Dead | ||
| PF “The Sanctuary” | 2012: Kenny Larch is Dead | ||
| PF The Mayor and the Olympic flame | 2012: Kenny Larch is Dead | ||
| PF Sexually naive gymnastics expert | Fabruary 2012: Kenny Larch is Dead | ||
| Save-a-flush haute cuisine tragedy | Fabruary 2012 | ||
| Watermelon | 2009 | Improvised after a man said 3 words | |
| Secretary fails RADA audition | 2003 | ||
| PF Taking revenge against a bed and breakfast landlady | 2003-2009: By the Yard |
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| Wedding ruined – kilt | 2009 | ||
| Wedding ruined – presents chipped | 2004 | ||
| 1 Hawker’s ‘Death With Dignity and Good for the Environment’ Funeral Service | 2010 | ||
| 1 Monkey and shredder | 2010 | ||
| 1 Arse on telegraph pole | 2009 | ||
| PF Grenda O’Reilly | 2009/2012: Kenny Larch is Dead | ||
| Brussels Eurostar bedspread | 2010 | ||
| Shirley Bassey’s dangerously loose leg | 2010 | Surprisingly similar to Dionne Warwick’s dangerously loose leg | |
| Dionne Warwick’s dangerously loose leg | 2009 | Completely different to Shirley Bassey’s dangerously loose leg | |
| Granny smashes vase | 2003 | ||
| Red Letter day with Angela Lansbury | 2010 | ||
| 1 Women’s Institute environmental talk | 2010 | ||
NONSENSE |
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| PF The Nonsense Game | 2008-2012: Still Life | ||
CHARACTERS |
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| virgin Nanna | 2007 | ||
| virgin Daily Mail bigotry corner | 2007 | ||
| 1 The drunkard | 2008 | ||
| 1 Debate against myself on sex before marriage | 2011 | ||
| virgin Dariah Crumpet | 2009 | ||
| Gloom and misery | 2000 | ||
| Failed Beefeater | 1999 | Filmed it for the BBC in 2001 | |
| virgin Professor Power Station | 2004 | ||
| virgin Sergeant Suicide | 2004 | ||
| 1 Lord Ghost | 2004 | ||
| Trawlerman | 2008-2011 | ||
| The Killer / Grim Raper | 2008-2009 | ||
| Sad Frank / 1 Notebook Neil | 2008-2009 | ||
| Pirate | 2005-2011 | ||
| PF Penny | 2010-2012: Still Life | Takes things to the next level | |
| 1 Japan-style Jonica | 2009 | ||
| PF Inspector Foot of the Yard | 2010-2011 | ||
| PF Skeleton Johnston | 2011 | Half Skeleton, half Mr. Johnston | |
| virgin Biggles | 2005 | ||
PF
MIMES THAT END WITH SAX SESSION |
Non-silent | ||
| War widow receives message from pigeon | 2006-2007 | ||
| The Cheddar collection | 2006-2009 | ||
| Clog maker | 2006-2011 | ||
| Dolphin centre | 2008 | ||
| Apple turnover | 2008-2009 | ||
| Fishmonger / cat sanctuary | 2008-2009 | ||
| Cricket woman | 2008 | ||
| Harpsichordist | 2008 | ||
| Hawk enthusiast | 2009-2011 | ||
| International hawk expert and monocle | 2008 | ||
| Arctic ark | 2008 | ||
| Hot dog / burger love | 2008 | ||
| Victorian wringer and mirror beast | 2008 | ||
PF
MIMES THAT DO NOT END WITH SAX SESSION |
Non-silent | ||
| Silver service waiter on the Titanic | 2007 | ||
| Antiques Roadshow | 2007: Comedy for Connoisseurs | ||
MUSICAL |
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| PF Charon’s Barbecue Hell | 2010: Ash in the Attic (Edinburgh version) | Accompanies Rachmaninov’s tone poem ‘Isle of the Dead’ | |
| PF virgin Dramatique accompaniment to Sibelius’ 4th Symphony | |||
| virgin “He’s My Guy” room collapse | Is also a mime | ||
JACK CULLEN PUPPETRY |
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| PF Comedy performance by Jack | 2010 | |
My puppet, whom performs his own routine and does other things |
DEEP STUFF |
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| Living room concerns | 2006 | ||
| Stationery shops | 2006 | ||
| PF The Loneliness | 2007 | The profoundest of all my comedy pieces | |
| PF Men don’t like beer | 2006-2011 | |
An extended version exists that probes the reasons for gay babies |
| 1 Alcohol | 2009 | ||
| 1 Is homosexuality inherently amusing? | 2009 | ||
LIFE-CHANGING SYSTEMS |
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| PF S.A.F.E. (Sexual Awkwardness-Free Encounters) | 2007 | Ties in to my loneliness section | |
RANTS |
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| PF Cake | 2006-2011 | |
Versions exists between 2 and 32 minutes in length |
| PF Baby on board signs | 2006-2011 | |
|
| Down the tubes | 2009-2011 | |
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| virgin The Environment | 2012 | ||
| Soap opera helplines | 2009-2011 | ||
| Early morning fascists | 2007-2011 | ||
| Circus suicide | 2005-2008 | ||
| The London Eye | 2007-2008 | ||
| Tesco is evil | 2008 | ||
| PF Firemen are show-offs | 2006-2011 | |
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| Crazy golf | 2003 | ||
| PF Toast | 2008-2011 | Can last up to 51 minutes – my longest rant | |
| 1 James Dyson | 2013 | Useless hoover and air blade | |
| Uri Geller | 2008 | ||
| The Olympics / golf / tennis | 2009-2010 | ||
| Jesus, the carpenter | 2007-2010 | ||
| Bars at closing time, nightclubs + no service at bar & clearing away empty glasses | 2009 | ||
| School sports days | 2007-2011 | |
Unsuited to America |
| 1 Over-friendly Northerners (UK) | 2009 | Unsuited to the north of any country | |
| Sick to death of having to go to the toilet | 2003-2011 | ||
| People who’ve done a bit of travelling and think they’re all superior | 2006-2011 | |
Rarely performed, now I’m a member of the international jest set |
| Computer hackers | 2006-2009 | ||
| virgin Pets | 2001 | ||
| PF Food allergies | 2007-2012 | My Ash in the Attic CD |
|
| Beggars asking for spare money | 2008-2010 | ||
| Sudoku puzzles | 2006-2011 | |
|
| Computer space bar lengths | 2008 | ||
| Global warming a good thing | 2009 | ||
| Benches dedicated to dead people | 2007-2008 | ||
| Tea and coffee | 2012 | ||
| 1 Prefer anonymous rip-off | 2010 | ||
| 1 Having to enjoy yourself while dancing | 2010 | ||
| Waiters / cashiers | 2009-2010 | ||
| Vibrators | 2002-2004 | ||
| People with no phone credit | 2006-2007 | ||
| 1 Show jumping sadness | 2010 | ||
| 1 Greenland semi-independent | 2010 | ||
| 1 Bewitching women cadging cigars | 2010 | ||
| 1 Couples in love | 2008 | ||
| 1 Double-barrelled names | 2010 | ||
| 1 Life is all mapped out at school | 2010 | ||
| 1 Meringue | 2010 | ||
| 1 Bus drivers | 2010 | ||
| 1 Person without an umbrella | 2010 | ||
| virgin Lying about arrival times to friends | 2010 | ||
| Gay sex | 2010 | ||
| 1 Teeth | 2010 | ||
| 1 Carol McGiffin | 2010 | ||
| 1 Showbiz career obituaries | 2010 | ||
| 1 Bill Turnbull | 2010 | ||
| 1 Punch a Post Office | 2010 | ||
| 1 Caroline Quentin | 2009 | ||
| Charity climbers | 2009 | ||
JOKES |
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| You’ve Been Framed | 1999-2002 | ||
| Budgerigar | 1999-2011 | |
|
| Boxer | 1997-1999 | ||
| PF Norfolk | 1995-1999; 2011 | ||
| PF Hobbies | 1997-2002 | ||
| Curling | 2004 | ||
| Mother-in-law | 1999-2011 | (rare) | |
| Junior Cluedo | 2009 | ||
| PF Merry-go-round | 1997-2011 | Won an award with this joke in 1997 | |
| Locker | 2003 | Performed on TV in a 55-second act | |
| PF Best lover + vagina | 1997-2002 | ||
| virgin Predictive text | 2009 | Have never bothered to say this joke in public | |
NOVELETTE |
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| Judy Cardigan | 2007 | ||
SKETCH |
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| 1 1920s soirree | 2009 | A solo sketch performed by Paul Foot’s One-Human Sketch Troupe | |
| PF Rewiring electrics death | 2005, 2009 | Performed with a man (I play a woman) | |
| PF “Presentation” | 2005, 2009 | Ideally performed with a woman | |
| PF Jeanette Cunny | 2005 | Performed with Russell Kane | |
PF
MURDER MYSTERY |
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| The Barbaric Bludgeoning at Truffle Towers | 2006 | I star as Inpector Foot of Scotland Yarn | |
| 1 The Mystery of the Yule Clog | 2009 | I star as Inpector Foot of Scotland Yarn | |
BEDTIME STORIES |
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| PF Dariah Crumpet | 2009 | Told in Edinburgh in pyjamas on a pink bus | |
ANECDOTES |
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| Granny story | 2012 | ||
| Ghost train | 2007 | ||
| Dad stories | 2004 | ||
QUESTIONNAIRE |
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| Questionnaire | 2003 | ||
LECTURES |
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| Crime | 2002 | Written on giant boards | |
| 1 Relationships | 2006 | Powerpoint presentation | |
| 1 Saturnday nights | 2006 | Powerpoint presentation | |
| 1 The Universe | 2006 | Powerpoint presentation | |
REPORTS |
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| 1 Crime | 2008 | ||
| Relationships | 2008 | ||
| Saturnday nights | 2008 | ||
| The Universe | 2008 | ||
| 1 Schadenfreude | 2008 | ||
| School | 2008 | ||
| Wine | 2008 | ||
| Small talk | 2008 | ||
| Flying | 2008 | ||
| 1 Computers | 2008 | ||
| 1 Cricket | 2008 | ||
| 1 Rugby | 2008 | ||
| 1 Golf | 2008 | ||
| 1 Tennis | 2008 | ||
| 1 Snooker | 2008 | ||
| 1 Transport | 2008 | ||
| The United States of America | 2008 | ||
| Summer | 2008 | ||
| 1 Kings and Queens | 2008 | ||
| 1 Television | 2008 | ||
| Eating Out | 2008 | ||
| 1 Common colds | 2008 | ||
| 1 Travellers | 2008 | ||